17-09-2019
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd
A host, of golden daffodils...
William Wordsworth
Leaping among the daffodils, and flying like a bird free from the hunters trap. Ooh,how good it feels just to have a breath of fresh air,to be alive again,to be renewed and blossom like Daffodils in the spring. It all seem like yesterday,memories of the past slipping through my mind,but not of pain but gratitude.
This was how it used to be...
Tears became my companion and flowed through my cheeks effortlessly. Down in my pain and emotions, trying to find myself. Whenever I cried, my friend would always ask me "is this the end He promised you?" My friend did all he could to console and comfort me. Those words never really made sense to me at the time. All I did was soak in my tears and sulk, I felt like my cry alone was a message to God( laugh). Sometimes I would cry my eyes out, and then just pray afterwards, other times I would be soooo angry at God and question ,"why He would subject me to such pain and suffering", I didn't just seem to get it!
I knew this that I was in, only God could deliver me,no man could. I was afraid God might come late, "what if he chose to deliver me in 2 years time or more!" I was scared of the timing,I was afraid I might have totally lost myself before He showed up ( smiles). (Pause) But you know, the scripture says "He makes all things beautiful in its time" So when it's time it sure would be beautiful and glorious.
Back to my story...
Remember what my friend would say to me then "this is never the end He promised you". In my mind I was like "what's he saying, what could be worse than this, how can you say it's not the end when I am loosing my self and my mind?" Little did I know that while I thought God was silent and watched me suffer, He was working things out for my good behind the scene.
Little did I know that my friend was intentionally sowing the seed of those words into my life which would definitely germinate. (Pause) Yes, we all need faithful,faith -filled and positive friend(s) around us when we go through our darkest moments in life.
Yes I am back...
Although, I was quite overwhelmed by my emotions and couldn't see beyond the moment, because it felt like I was in an eternal bondage and no one could save me except God and if He chose not to save me at the this time, then I don't know what would become of me. The words my friend spoke to me then started to make sense when like a dream I began to see things take shape for good in my life. It was too good to be true! Now, I have learnt to trust him more.
When we face the darkest moments of our lives, there is something on the other side of it- T.D JAKES
Surely, our weeping may endure for a night, but in the MORNING there's Joy, Celebration, a Breath of Fresh Air and Abundance! Hahaha... Don't you just love Mornings! However,we need to thank God for the Nights too, because without them there won't be Mornings. Yes, so I do not know if this really makes any sense to you right now,but I choose to intentionally sow this words into your life just like my friend did. You should know that, this is never the end He promised. He still has so much goodies in stock for you. I am sure you can't wait to have them.
Thank you for reading from my diary again.
I love you and my Father loves you more!
Olivia's Diary
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